Happiness Only Real when Shared – Chris McCandless

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend all!

It has been a busy two weeks since the last post. After Cousin Bobby sat with me through my third chemo session we’ve been traveling and seeing tons of family. First the Cancer stuff…

The sessions are definitely getting more difficult with each infusion. The first cycle didn’t really phase me much except for the nausea the first night. The second was without the nausea but a bit more fatigue. The third has been a bit more trying. It may be because we have been busy but I have been exhausted over the last two weeks. I’ve managed to keep going in to work but after three hours or so I am done being productive, feeling a bit queezy, and needing meds. I’m starting to associate the smell of rubbing alcohol with chemo. They use an alcohol swap to clean the tubing before they connect a new syringe to push something into my port. These usually result in a flood of metallic taste in my mouth and nausea so now that smell brings along the rest all on its own. Crystal tried painting her nails next to me at the table and I jumped up as the wave of nausea hit me. gnarly.

I’ve noticed my stomach is more sensitive to foods now, too much spice (thai food) or acid (marinara sauce) and my stomach is going to start disagreeing. I puked two weeks ago for the first time since getting cancer. Now one time puking in two months of chemo isn’t bad as a whole but still a bummer. Didn’t eat anything crazy, made my standard orange chicken stir fry, but after about an hour I suddenly got that “oh F*ck there is no way I am making it to the toilet” feeling and slowly but deliberately stood up from the couch and shuffle stepped towards the bathroom. Luckily I barely made it and I felt fine after unleashing demons but it was an intense moment. Hasn’t happened again since then but here’s hoping that doesn’t become a habit.

Cold and Flu season aren’t helping me either. Crystal has been doing her best to make me wash/sanitize my hands every 30 seconds and not touch my face, food, door knobs, dogs, other hand, the air, etc but she can only do so much. I’ve had a consistent sneeze/sniffle for a while now. Temperature is still OK so no trips to the ER but every blow of the nose into a tissue earns me a “take your temperature” and “wash your hands” from my loving wife.

Last complaint is that the Filgrastim injections were especially awful this cycle. I’m used to one day of lead up bone discomfort on day 7 and then one day of pain on day 8 but this cycle the pain was consistent for 4 more days beyond day 8. Not nearly as bad as the first cycle since we’ve figured out Claritan and Naproxen really do help, but 5 days instead of 1 wasn’t a welcome addition.

All in all I’m three cycles down and still on my feet so I think I’m OK. The standard treatment would be only one more so I can understand that the toll on the body would have to be serious by now, and looking at my blood counts from the last infusion shows that to be true. For me to still be able to travel and enjoy the company of my friends and family is great, so my body is handling it well and should be able to take three more.

Now on to the fun news. Three days after my infusion Crystal and I traveled up to Sonoma to attend my cousin Daniel and his partner Andy’s wedding. Many of the regular readers were present so I’ll keep it short but it was so much fun I can’t help share a bit for those not present. As usual for a Carter gathering many drinks were had, many stories were told, and many laughs were shared. Most people seemed to react fine to my current bald/skinny/slightly sick looking state though most did give me a softer than usual hug and whispered greetings as if I was frail. Understandable and for the most part quickly abandoned as it became clear I was able to withstand the usual rambunctiousness of family gatherings.

(The newest generation with her Mom, Aunt, and Uncle)

(Crystal and Paige selfie)

The wedding was just fantastic and congrats once again to Daniel and Andy on beginning their lives together. You two are wonderful in so many ways, thanks for reminding us all how great the world can be.

(Andy and Daniel with their epic bow ties)

The wedding was at a beautiful culinary school in the heart of Sonoma. Gorgeous setting, awesome food, inspiring ceremony, and a group of people that were all just a pleasure to be around.

(Crystal looking ravishing as always)

Seeing everyone dressed up (including my own father in a suit which is exactly the second time I can remember seeing him in one, he pulled off an awesome jacket with elbow pads like a boss) and sipping champagne in wine country was a fun departure from our usual barefoot and sandy kind of family gatherings.

I was a bit worried about traveling through airports and planes and lots of germs from all over the country but in the end it all worked out. The longest days I’ve had to stay sharp through and had to take it a bit easy but luckily Crystal was there quick to remind me to take some meds or even just a break. I can’t stress enough to those who will go through something like this in their lives, having someone loving and intelligent to be your lighthouse is unfathomably important.

The weekend after returning we had tickets to see Wicked at the Civic Theater in downtown SD. The show was just incredible, you can’t help but sit in awe at the raw talent on the stage. People who can sing much better than the people we hear on the radio and act and dance along with it for three hours, not to mention the musicians who are playing out of sight. Pretty amazing, not to mention the story itself is delightful, very engaging and fun if you are familiar with the Wizard of OZ storyline. Highly recommended if it travels your direction.

(Sure a lot of dressing up going on around here…)

Being busy for three weeks and with Thanksgiving fast approaching my Navy friends were starting to think I was avoiding them. Two of them decided to drop in Tuesday of this week to catch up and check in. Abe and Danger Bob are two of my closest EOD friends who I went to school with. Abe and I were at the Academy together and Danger became a staple at all less than respectable events during dive and EOD school and also who I took over for up in Northern Afghanistan. They are two of only a few officers from school who are still slugging it out in the Navy with me in San Diego.

(Boomer was so happy to have his BFF back. He and Abe shared that couch for a few weeks when Abe got back from Afghanistan earlier this year. Note the massive dive watches on each wrist… easiest way to spot a dirty diver…)

It was wonderful to have them stop in and shop talk for a while. We are all cut from similar molds and I’m honored to have known them and been through so much with them over the last 7 or so years.

For Thanksgiving Crystal, the furry boys, and I trucked up to Palm Desert to stay with Aunt Deneece. Cousin Bobby of course joined us to his Mom’s house and he and I have a long history of questionably representing ourselves in Palm Desert, a place with a proud gay community. In the past we’ve innocently found ourselves shirtless, driving a beautiful new powder blue (if I remember correctly) convertible Audi TT down El Paseo and getting a couple whistles we weren’t expecting. On this adventure we decided blue bicycles were more our speed…

Great Thanksgiving and wonderful of Aunt Deneece to host us.

This year and especially in the last two weeks I am thankful for the huge support platform I have during this difficult time. I saw my parents and both sisters in Sonoma. They have been with me every step of the way, listening to my stories, advising ways to cope, and calling my bullsh*t when it needs to be called. My aunts and cousins are all an endless source of smiles, encouragement, and love. My friends and Navy brethren have kept me true to myself. This is not even close to the scariest thing we have conquered together and they are treating me no different now then they did when we took our first breaths at depth together, set off our first multi-thousand-pound detonations together, and took care of each other as we each returned from overseas with demons to work through.

The outpouring of love from these people has been nothing short of humbling and awe-inspiring. There is no way I’d be the person I am today without them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And last I’m thankful for my wife. She is my rock, my motivation, and the light of my day. She can bring pain as quickly as love (especially with a Neupogen needle) but always seems to know which I need the most. Thanks sweetheart.

I hope everyone reading this has been able to share the holiday with people they love. Take it from me, life can seem bulletproof one day and then as fleeting as a breath of wind the next. Figure out what really matters to you and hold on.

I LOVE YOU, PRAY FOR YOU, AND HOLD YOU NEAR.

Cap’n David Henry Carter II